Does President Obama have lung cancer?

Let me let you in on a little secret. I’ve put all the clues together and figured something out. Now, I’m the only one who knows this outside of some DC circles, and I am letting you — the “sheep,” the “sleeping masses” — know about this. Why? Because you need to know The Truth®.

President Obama may or may not, but probably does (unless he doesn’t), have lung cancer.

My proof? Why, my proof is more incontrovertible than all the evidence for the autism-vaccine link. My evidence is just as solid as chemtrails, RF poisoning, and allergies to GMOs put together.

See, President Obama has opened diplomatic relations with Cuba, and he’s about to visit the island nation in a few weeks. After decades of diplomatic and commercial avoidance of Cuba, why would President Obama now want to cozy up to those communists?

He would want to do it because Cuba has a lung cancer vaccine. It is a well-known fact that the President used to smoke. (In a recent photo posted online by the White House, people lost their minds thinking that he was holding a pack of cigarettes.) Smoking causes lung cancer.

Put two and two together, people sheeple!

Of course, I’m writing all of this in jest. There is zero evidence that the President has lung cancer, or that the cancer vaccine is a reason why he’s opening up diplomatic relations with Cuba. But this is the kind of mental exercise that people who live in conspiracy circles practice in order to make others believe in some far-out things. This is why we have people who completely believe that vaccines are bad, that airliners deliver toxins way up in the sky, and that Reptilians are running the world.

This is why we have people who believe they can spray vinegar out of a bottle and counteract chemtrails, or that rainbows are indicative of chemical contamination:

I wish this was all a joke, but people will really read the top part of this blog post and start thinking that there is some truth to it. Then, like a certain orange presidential candidate has done, they’ll just be “asking questions.” And then they’ll dive deep into the rabbit hole, unable to be brought back into reality.

  1. Well, airplanes *do* spray toxic, noxious chemicals up in the air. Carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide aren’t really great things to breathe in in any significant amount and those tiny carbon particles are downright irritating!

    Now, excuse me, I have to renew my passport. There’s a vaccine in Cuba I’m really interested in, as I still do smoke Luckies – a pack a day.

    Which brings me to ask, why does my immune system think that my thyroid gland TSH receptors look like a cigarette?
    Seriously, Grave’s disease prognosis is worse for smokers.

    Oh, vaccines are indeed terrible things – to the diseases that they immunize people against. Just ask Smallpox about how it feels about extinction in the wild! Dress really, really warm first. 😉

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    1. Right. ‘Cause I could get by the security at Atlanta? (I could probably bribe my way into Koltsovo Institute Vector.)

      Everything is worse for smokers, just like everything is about to be worse for everyone since our waistlines are expanding. That reminds me… I need to go for a jog, and eat a carrot.

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      1. I’ve been on a fruit binge this week, picked up a huge fruit bowl at the supermarket and a couple of jugs of cottage cheese (got addicted to cottage cheese and fruit when dad when on a low cholesterol diet 35 years ago).
        As for waist line, Grave’s took 40 pounds off, I was 195 at one point, I’m bouncing around 150, doing so by cramming around 4500 calories a day.
        I’ve always been big on greens as well, so that helps. One good thing for Grave’s is, my cholesterol is good for a change, as in it’s been high since I turned 30 and likely, before as well.

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  2. There is a problem with the links in your e-mail.

    On Tue, Feb 23, 2016 at 8:24 PM, Epidemiological wrote:

    > Epi Ren posted: “Let me let you in on a little secret. I’ve put all the > clues together and figured something out. Now, I’m the only one who knows > this outside of some DC circles, and I am letting you — the “sheep,” the > “sleeping masses” — know about this. Why? Because y” >

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    1. Thanks. It’s been fixed.

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  3. We had a staff scientist from the local air quality agency give a talk at our skeptics meetup. Apparently he is one of a few who field phone calls from the public on air quality issues. Many are legitimate, but then there are the ones on chemtrails. They range from the curious who are willing to listen, to the ones who call him to rant about the dangers who will not be swayed by science. Fortunately he has not experienced (too much) brain damage with headdesks.

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    1. Well, humans are gifted with thick skulls and a proper buffer between brain and skull in the form of cerebrospinal fluid.
      I suspect that trait was selected for when our cave dwelling ancestors banged their head against the wall after dealing with their young teens.
      Or perhaps, it was from when mankind first developed animal husbandry. After all, I can’t be the first human to make the mistake of bending down to eye level with a goat in order to pet it, only to be abruptly butted in the head.
      To this day, my wife swears that the goat’s eyes crossed.
      True story.

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      1. “I suspect that trait was selected for when our cave dwelling ancestors banged their head against the wall after dealing with their young teens.”

        Teenagers are mercurial beasts. It is amazing to hear from others how nice and polite your child has been by others. I often ask “You must be mistaken, that cannot be my child.”

        This is what prompted my theory on the nightmare that Robert Lewis Stevenson had that inspired “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” He married an American woman who had a twenty two year old daughter (who as not part of the new household) and a twelve year old son (Lloyd Osbourne). As his stepfather with the Scottish accent he might have experienced the young man’s worst behavior (as a stepdaughter, I will confess getting a new parent does not bring out the best in us, I was eleven years old). So he must have been baffled when others praised his stepson’s behavior. Obviously, things got better. The stepson was part of the writing of Treasure Island (thank you Wikipedia!):
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lloyd_Osbourne

        The flaw in my theory is that Treasure Island was published several years before “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” Rats!

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        1. As my military career began long before our children were born and continued past when our first grandchild were born, I’ll suffice it to say something I observed when our eldest was two (now nearing her mid-30’s).
          Raising children is a lengthy and continuous exercise in psychological warfare, which continues into early adulthood.
          Surrender typically occurs upon the birth of the child’s first child.

          I had retired and got to babysit two colic ridden children. There was one person who could hold them where they’re remain quiet and happy – me.
          I held them sitting on my belt multitool, while splinting their abdomen, with my hand supporting the bottom of their diaper. That resolved abdominal pain, as well as stomach-esophageal issues (they had GERD as infants), the hold works both for difficult colonization and GERD.

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