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To My Most Conservative Friend

My glass is not half full. It’s half empty because I gave the other half of water to someone who was thirsty, just like Jesus would (the Jesus described in the Bible, not the caricature misquoted up on stages of megachurches-slash-concerts). Your glass is half empty because some monster made up in the imagination of Breitbart of Alex Jones or Jenny McCarthy or Andrew Wakefield or Ted Cruz stole your water. Or because you drank it all so no one else could have it.

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